Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Why You Should Hate Cops

Some of you won't like this post because, well, reasons. That's fine. If your head holds some utopian ideal of who and what I am that doesn't conform with a little thing I like to call "Truth", or the other little thing I like to call "Reality", stop reading now if you wish to preserve that idea you have of me as whatever the hell I'm supposed to be. If, on the other hand, you don't mind examining unpleasant truths or living in RealityLand™, read on...

I HATE cops. I despise them. They, along with Glenn Beck, Wars-For-Profit™, "3rd Wave Feminism"™, and organized religion, are easily the top 4 spots on the "Top 10 Worst Inventions of Humanity" list. I prefer the Mafia to cops. Whether it be the NYPD-the "gold standard" for thugs-, or the Podunk County Sheriff, I HATE cops. Cops are the worst humanity has to offer--at least criminals tend to be up front about who they are and what they're doing. Cops on the other hand, on top of being criminals, to the last man and woman on the beat, are cowards who wouldn't confront a little old lady without a taser handy. Cops are so bad that each and every single person who's been a cop more than six months or so (OK, maybe a year), is literally a criminal. I understand what makes them criminals, and I don't necessarily fault them for it, but in reality, being a cop should be much like flipping burgers at a fast food joint used to be- a way station job on the way to becoming a grown up, and not a career (and in terms of quality of people that's a bit insulting to McDonald's employees, frankly). No one should EVER have to be a cop for more than six months, and really, it should be a punishment for DUI or something.

A person who is a cop witnesses crimes daily. A great many of the crimes they see committed are committed by fellow cops. And they say nothing. That is to say, by not reporting the criminal activities of their fellow cops that they know to be, or believe to be, criminal, they become accessories to all sorts of crimes from letting off a fellow cop with a 'warning' after pulling them over for speeding (yeah, they call it 'discretion' sometimes, I know. I call it a cop out--see what I did there? Who says I'm not funny?), to raping someone, or beating someone who has done nothing, or killing an unarmed black or Hispanic kid. They do these things, and other cops cover them up. ALL cops do it. Which makes them all criminals. Covering up a crime is itself a crime, see how that works? You can now go back to pretending your excuse of choice makes any sense at all (although you pretending what I said isn't true renders it no less true):

  1. The "Job" is Hard™-- Then don't fucking do it.
  2. Cops have 'discretion' in deciding to give/not give a speeding ticket--and in reporting graft, tasing an old lady, putting a teenager through a plate glass window, corruption, rape, murder, and extortion, too?
  3. Criminals Outgun cops--Then don't fucking do the job. Become a meter reader.
  4. Criminals do it-- So?
  5. The pay is too low--THEN DON'T DO THE FUCKING JOB.
Now, does that mean I don't understand cops? No. I "Get It"™. It IS tough sometimes. You DO deal with motherfuckers who would just as soon kill you as look at you. It IS scary to have someone come at you with a knife or gun. You DON'T know what's waiting behind that door. You also swore an oath. You are PAID to encounter these dangers. You are also not supposed to be above the law. So...don't come crying to me for sympathy.

One of Hemingway's characters, in A Farewell To Arms, said that "all thinking men are atheists", which means that a rational mind, unimpeded by any outside considerations, will come to the rational conclusion that because there is no evidence to support the idea of a deity, the only intellectually honest position to hold vis-a-vis the existence of such a being, is that it doesn't exist (however emotionally unsatisfying that may be for any given individual). In the same vein, every thinking man should detest the power of life and death in the hands of any government thug, especially those bereft of accountability (as so many cops are), bereft of compassion (ditto), and bereft of the higher faculties of learned people (ditto again). It isn't who they are that's disgusting and reprehensible, it's what they are.


  A Final Word On "Discretion":

You're given discretion, damn you, because you're supposed to arrest or ticket that friend of yours on the day shift for driving drunk, or at least get them out of the fucking car so they can sleep it off safely, NOT so you can tase a pregnant woman in the belly for sitting on the subway steps because her back hurts, or any of the umpteen bazillion things you assholes have been caught on video doing. You're given discretion because you are supposed to exercise the power of good judgment, not so you can indulge your petty hatreds, feed your ego, or take revenge on the high school bully. The 21 foot rule is not carte fucking blanche for shooting anyone you damn well please. Oh, and your safety?

"Yeah, I said it. It had to be said." - Chris Rock

If you want to help a brother out, you can purchase "A Farewell to Arms", the Hemingway novel I referenced above, at Amazon--it doesn't cost you anything extra, and Amazon sends some love my way:

Monday, 17 November 2014

The Hiatus is Over, and Two Manboobz Memes For the Price of One!!!!

The Housekeeping:

I'd like to thank all of you  patient souls for sticking around. I'd also like to tell you why I've been gone for so long, and just after the launch of Menticulture: You all probably know by now that K. Hansen and I have a son now. I took the time I did to care for him. My son is the single best thing I've ever done, and I could not, and would not, leave him in that first year (his Bday is happening in a couple of weeks).

Now that he's a year old (almost), I can return to this thing. Now I've got significant skin in the game. Of course, I have 4 beautiful stepdaughters and they are reason enough to destroy feminism and other crazy ideologies, but with girls, one can always teach them to mouth the right words when telling the truth becomes an actual crime. With a boy however, now I have to worry that he'll get the shit beat out of him or worse by overzealous copthugs, thrown in jail for raising his voice to his boyfriend or girlfriend, and everything else that comes with being male in today's Western society, not to mention the stigma of being an atheist. So dismantling religion generally, and gender religion specifically, has become my life's work.

By now, everyone should know that there's no love lost between the MRAs and me, but in the spirit of the 'season', and because this is too delicious not to mention, I leave you with this little vignette from the gender wars:

Some person involved in gamergate decided to tweet this to dev Brianna Wu:

to which Brianna Wu responded by requesting someone create a meme using the "respects is earn" misspelling.

Bravo. I'm something of a stormtrooper about spelling and such when it suits me, though less so nowadays because I just don't care about the niceties much anymore. Substance I find, is more compelling, but whatevs. So, long story short, David Futrelle picked it up and wrote a post about it, inviting his readers to do the same vis-a-vis the meme idea. Which you can read here. But really, the crux of all this background is twofold. I'd first like to point out that Futrelle, in deriding @viscountripper for his lack of spelling prowess, gives us an article about same, with this beautiful little snippet at the end:

So, though like I said, after the accusations of malfeasance and the like levied against me and K. by not an insubstantial MRA mob, for those of you who kept your heads about you, and refused to engage the blatant lies spewed by those people,  I offer you this small token of my appreciation, the David Futrelle meme:

Look David. Can I call you David? I don't really give two shits about your site, or you. The fact is that you're an apologist for a hate group. Also, I don't give two shits about whether you can spell or not, see I've made spelling errors, even in graduate school. The thing is, if you're gonna bitch that MRAs are stupid-because that's the subtext of so many of your posts--because they can't spell, maybe you shouldn't make spelling errors IN THE SAME BLOG POST. (type in the word 'deliberaly' in your browser's search window if you think the above was photoshopped). I'm just saying, some consistency is probably a good thing.

 Oh, for the record:
Dear Ms. Wu: I don't hate you, I wish you a long, happy and fruitful life, quite sincerely. I don't hate women, have NEVER threatened a woman with rape or death or anything else. I'm not a "gamergate" nutjob, or a "gamer". In fact, I'm as disgusted by those clowns as I am with MRAs of a certain kind, and feminists of a certain kind. All religions are pernicious, gender religions no less so than traditional deity-centered religions. I'm just here pointing out how silly and/or stupid people can be when their sacred cows are dinged up a bit.

Monday, 25 August 2014

My Thoughts on MGTOW

Over a year ago I talked about Men Going Their Own Way and lots of people got their undies in a bunch over what I said. I said that some, SOME, MGTOWs were only MGTOWs because they hated women, and I still hold that opinion. 

Of course some men choose to go their own way because they truly have hatred towards women for various reasons, and that’s their prerogative. I tried to point out how those guys were toxic to the whole MGTOW  ‘movement’ or idea, but of course it became completely blown out of proportion, with people insisting I hated all MGTOWs, which is simply not the case. 

In truth, I could care less how someone chooses to live out their lives. If someone feels that being single is their best option, then go for it. What I didn’t like was the constant hatred being spewed from SOME, again SOME, of them. But you also get that from SOME MRAs and PUAs, etc… In summary, you will always have crazies that basically try to fuck it up for the whole bunch. That was what I was ultimately saying, and there is nothing wrong with stating that obvious point.

But, the reason for this article is because someone asked me how I feel about MGTOWs, and I would like to respond here.

MGTOW is a personal choice that a man makes for his own personal reasons, of which there can be many. If a man has decided that being single, or a confirmed bachelor,  is the best option for him, then more power to him. I think it’s great that some men do not feel compelled to fit in with the ‘norm’ which basically says you can only be happy when you are in a long-term, monogamous relationship. Challenging that antiquated narrative is a good thing. 

If someone with self-confidence, and who knows who they are and what they want chooses that type of lifestyle, and does not attempt to impose their choices on others, then good for them. If you choose to go your own way, do it! Be happy and live your life as you see fit. 

The only issue I have is, again, with SOME MGTOWs, those who tend to try and push their choice of a single lifestyle on others by preaching that it is the only logical route for all men to take. It may be great for you, but it may not be what someone else chooses to do with their lives. What makes one person fulfilled does not make all people fulfilled.

We humans are all different, and if the core of being MGTOW truly means men going their own way and doing what is best for them, then some men will of course choose a different route in their lives. And we should all be ok with that because it is not up to anyone individual, or a group of individuals, to dictate what MGTOW truly is or how someone ultimately finds joy and happiness in life. 

The idea of men going their own way should be just that. Men ultimately deciding what is best for them, whether it’s being celibate, a confirmed bachelor, in a serious relationship, married, or tons of other lifestyle options in-between. 

MGTOW should not be solely defined as being a confirmed bachelor for life, as some say it is. MGTOW should be the freedom for men to make their own choices in regards to how they live their lives. It should be a response to antiquated assumptions, but not a rigid belief system. It is ultimately an umbrella term with many different meanings and options attached to it, and not just one rigid rule.

In essence, all men who make their own lifestyle choices without any outside pressures are MGTOWs. When a man says, this is how I choose to live my life and I am happy with my choice, they are a man going their own way, and isn’t that the ultimate goal? To allow men to make their own choices without dictating to them what is acceptable, and what is not? To me, that seems to be what a MGTOW should truly mean.

Saturday, 23 August 2014

Is the Mens Rights Movement Being Irresponsible?

There is a video that was done recently on TYT about War Machine, who is an ex MMA fighter and currently in police custody for the alleged brutal beating and attempted murder of his ex-girlfriend Christy Mack. 

In the TYT video they tie War Machine to the MRM because of things he wrote on his jail blogs. These were blogs he kept while he spent a total of 2 years behind bars for previous assault charges. 

Dean Esmay from A Voice for Men has recently chimed in after the TYT video was put up and said the following:

"So it’s happened again: Some violent psychotic does something violent and psychotic, and Men’s Rights Activists are supposedly to blame. Because potato."

No Dean, it is not because 'potato'. Let me explain it to you so your tiny little brain can comprehend why people keep equating people like War Machine to MRAs and the MRM.

I read both his blogs, (season 1 and season 2), and some of the things he wrote were eerily similar to the rhetoric peddled by the MRM, in particular, A Voice for Men (AVFM).

War Machine, yes that is his legal name, considers himself and men in general, to be more oppressed than the black slaves or the Jews in Nazi Germany were. He also writes about how men are also oppressed because they are not allowed to hit a woman if they feel, in any way, threatened or mistreated. Where have I heard that before? Oh ya, Paul Elam of AVFM wrote about how it was ok to beat a woman if you felt threatened. In that article he specifically stressed that what he was saying was NOT parody, and that he truly believes that it is perfectly fine for a man to beat a woman half his size if he thinks he is in any way being threatened. 

So what did War Machine clam on Twitter after the beating of Christy Mack? He claimed he felt threatened by Christy Mack and that his beating of her was justified because he was defending himself. 

Now call me paranoid, suspicious, or crazy, but isn’t it convenient how War Machine came out with that insane leap of logic 9 day after Paul Elam put that article out there basically encouraging men to do exactly what War Machine did. Coincidence? Perhaps, but I am not convinced it really is.

War Machine parrots a lot of the same insane and insulting sentiments that are held within the MRM, primarily those over at AVFM. Do a search on AVFM for Oppression, or Racisim and you will get tons of articles about how men in the western world are oppressed and treated like slaves by women, feminism, the government, and so-on. It’s a full on oppression Olympics pity party over there. 

For a place like AVFM, which likes to pretend it’s a human rights movement, to even consider or compare white middle class men in western society to being either oppressed or a slave is truly disgusting and insulting to anyone who has ever truly suffered those kinds of atrocities. Appropriating others real suffering for one’s own twisted agenda is not what any human rights movement worth its salt does.

But the real issue is, was War Machine an MRA? I highly doubt War Machine was an activist for anything, other than his own self-pity, but he did most certainly buy into the toxic idea that he, as a man, was seriously oppressed and a helpless victim. 

There is only one place that loudly proclaims these twisted ideas - where he could have gotten that insane message – The MRM. 

After seeing what War Machine wrote, I can’t help but see the eerie similarity and assume that he got those messages from places like AVFM, where they push the idiotic comparison of white middle class men to real oppression and slavery. It’s a common theme over there.

Now MRAs will most definitely protest to what I have said. They will try to claim that I am making shit up and that what people like Paul Elam writes is satire etc… But I am sorry guys, that shit don’t fly with me. You need to wake up and realize that what War Machine said is exactly the same bullshit that the MRM, and AVFM, peddles to its audience. 

If the MRM, or AVFM, doesn’t want any fingers pointed at them, then maybe they should have had much better sense and used some serious discretion when writing the kinds of articles they write. 

When you send a message to vulnerable men that they are as oppressed as real slaves were, or that they are under serious attack, as if they were in a real war, then you get blowback when something like this happens and your rhetoric is used. 

When you try and mask your true agenda or colors under the guise of ‘parody’, that is just plain irresponsible, especially when you know that it’s not really parody, and that your primary audience is comprised of vulnerable, angry, desperate men who are searching for any excuse or sense of permission to act as a victim and place all the blame for their problems on others. 

That is exactly what War Machine did, and I can guarantee you he is not the first, nor the last to think like that, especially when you now have a community of men that basically tells each other that it’s ok to blame women and the government for everything, that bashing a violent bitch is ok, or that beating a womanhalf your size is perfectly ok if you ‘feel’ in any way threatened, even if it is being touted as supposed parody.

Pro Tip: You are not The Onion.

It’s completely irresponsible on the part of people like Paul Elam and the other writers at AVFM , as well as those within the MRM as a whole, to put these bullshit ideas into the heads of vulnerable men, only to watch them self-destruct without any offer of real help, or possible solutions to their immediate problems. 

They exasperate things and fuel the anger and frustration within these men to the point that it eventually boils over and you get people like War Machine. And when that happens people will, and do, get hurt, but what you won’t see is Paul Elam, or anyone else at AVFM, or in the MRM, come out and try to help the monster they helped create. 

They will not offer to help those men who have taken their bullshit verbatim, ignored the parody claims, and then go out and self-destruct. They will not own their words or take responsibility for their part in these tragic events, even though they love to tell others to own their shit. They won’t ever apologize for putting all this shit into men’s heads, or even attempt to learn from something like this. 

No, they will not say a word, well except for 'potato'. They will continue to spew their dangerous, irresponsible rhetoric knowing full well that their words have real life consequences, and that the ultimate victims of their bullshit are exactly those that they purport to care about – Men. 

*edited some parts to add the potato response from Dean Esmay.

Playing the Victim

In Psychological Defenses in Everyday Life, (1989), Robert Firestone, Ph.D described a female patient who complained that her husband was habitually late for dinner. He explains - dinner was ready at 6:30, but he often came in as late as 8:30 without calling to let her know that he would be late.She asked Firestone, "Is that right?" in a tone that implied that she was the victim of wrongdoing.Firestone tried to explain to her that the key question wasn't whether it was right or not. Firestone wanted her to see that she was viewing the situation as a passive victim, which was neither productive nor adaptive.

From the example that Firestone gave, one can see that she was indeed seeking validation from him to confirm her perceived victimhood, and therefor validate her inaction in confronting her husband about the issue so she could continue playing the victim to his unaddressed actions. 

Many people go around thinking they are entitled to constant good treatment and fairness just because. The truth is that no one is entitled to either. The issues are what is going on around them and how they feel about it. 

According to Firestone, the woman would have been better off actively facing the facts of the situation and acknowledging her emotional reactions rather than personally judging it and feeling victimized by it.

Firestone also states that victim mentality prevents people from making objective decisions and evaluations of everyday life. People who have a victim mentality have not necessarily been victimized through a crime, but they are individuals who have adopted this behavior and attitude from years—usually during childhood—where core emotional or physical needs were not met. 

He states: If you are being robbed, you don't sit around thinking, "This shouldn't be happening to me. It isn't right." Instead, you react. You may defend yourself, call the police or try to run away. Constructive action is the opposite of victimized brooding.

The woman whose husband was late for dinner had every right to feel angry and to consider practical action if she wished, but to try to justify feeling victimized was maladaptive and ultimately fruitless.
Firestone explains that even in the most extreme situation, such as a concentration camp, feeling victimized is not adaptive: Feeling your anger, planning an escape, attempting to survive any and all of these courses of action are preferable to indulging powerless, victimized feelings. Your attitude is a vital factor in determining whether you will survive or perish, succeed or fail in life. 

Viktor Frankl stated that many of the survivors of German concentration camps were able to endure because they refused to give in to feeling victimized. Instead, although stripped of all their rights and possessions, they used one remaining freedom to sustain their spirit; the freedom to choose what attitude or position they would take in relation to the horror they faced. "It was the freedom to bear oneself ‘this way or that,' and there was a ‘this or that.'" (Frankl, 1954/1967, p. 94)

Firestone also states that maintaining a child victim role leads to chronic passivity. Victimized feelings are very often appropriate to the child's situation. Children are without power, are helpless and are at the mercy of their parents. Later as an adult, things happen that are sometimes beyond your control and understanding. However, the adult who is still playing the child victim role responds like the deer that sees a mountain lion approaching and instead of fleeing the danger becomes paralyzed. This person just keeps noticing over and over that the situation is unreasonable, unfair or threatening but doesn't make the appropriate adaptive responses. 

As a child there is a feeling of inadequacy/insecurity which teaches children to rely on others for happiness and reaffirmation – a healthy part of growing up, and one that, if the child is taught properly as they grow, disappears as their self-esteem and confidence increases in a healthy and positive way. 

For those adults with a victim mentality, it is often a sign of emotional immaturity, poor self-esteem, insecurity, and a lack of confidence which serves to keep the adult in a perpetual state of adolescence – a perpetual state of victimhood.

In the case of the woman mentioned above, Firestone explains that the tip off to the fact that she really preferred the child victim role was that she never made any substantial attempt to change her circumstances. Like so many of us, she would rather feel justified in complaining endlessly about her unfortunate circumstances while passively registering her dissatisfaction than actively changing her situation.

In regards to one's feelings, it is important to note that feelings are individually subjective and do not require any real justification. They are automatic responses to an individual’s perception of positive or negative events they have experienced, and people's feelings cannot be judged as right or wrong. 

Normal healthy anger is merely a proportional individual response to a frustrating or negative experience regardless of any rational considerations. It is more advantageous for us to experience feelings than to deny them, repress them or cut them off. 

However, our actions, unlike feelings, have consequences and must be considered in relation to both moral issues and rational reality concerns. Therefore "acting out" emotions, particularly angry emotions, must remain under a person's control. For example, a FEELING of murderous rage can be considered innocent, but to act on those feelings and commit murder has very real consequences.

"Victims" deal in judgments and "shoulds" when interacting with others. They operate on the basic assumption that the world should always be fair to them: "I should have been loved by my parents." "My children should call me or write to me." "After all that I've done for her, the least she could do ..." 

This unhealthy preoccupation with "rights" and "shoulds" and seeking constant fairness is irrelevant to real problems that we are all faced with; it leads to brooding, righteous indignation and vengeful feelings.

Characteristics of individuals with a victim mentality include:
  • Negative self-image
  • Demanding
  • Entitlement
  • Blaming
  • Complaining
  • Underlying feelings of being powerless
  • Frequent use of the phrase, “Yes, but…”

In many situations, people are unaware they are displaying a victim mentality; it is simply a way to shift the blame from themselves to another person.
People who chronically suffer from victim mentality, however, are stuck in a pattern of blaming and negativity, even over inconsequential events.

According to Dr. Nicola Davies:

 people who are stuck in the victim mentality role, tend to verbally and physically abuse others and then blame it on being provoked, constantly try to control other people’s sympathy by “needing” support or compassion, try to prove they are indeed the victim of others by staying in conflicted relationships (personal or business), and also complain of other people taking advantage of their kindness.

Recognizing when someone is suffering from victim mentality versus just being manipulative can be difficult. The main difference is chronic presence of negativity rather than just a fleeting moment of manipulation.
But not all “victims” are the same.

According to Dr. Kim Shirin, a psychotherapist, there are different victim mentality profiles. They include:
  • Passive victim: Always beating themselves up in a self-defeat attitude.
  • Sickness tyrant: Use their health to manipulate other people’s attentions. They willingly dwell on their pains and aches and expect to be taken care of.
  • Martyr: People pleasers but they always expect something in return. They are givers but they play the “you owe me” card all the time.
  • Angry victim: Always mad about something, they feel that whatever they do it is never enough for others. They fear being abandoned but express it in anger.
  • Bullies: They are emotionally immature and express frustration and hurt by attacking those who they feel did not supply [sic] their needs.
Having a victim mentality can lead to a whole host of mental illnesses due to angry, victimized feelings which get bottled up inside. Such mental illnesses can present as; depression, anxiety, co-dependence disorders, personality disorders, psychosomatic disorders, and so-on.

People with victim mentality can be extremely frustrating to deal with.
Dr. Orloff, M.D. explains there are ways to deal with these individuals without feeling irritated or emotionally drained.

For friends and relatives:

Kindly tell your friend or relative that it isn’t healthy for them to feel sorry for themselves all the time, and that you’re only willing to listen for 5 minutes unless the individual is willing to discuss possible solutions for their problems. Friends and family, because they often have close relationships, may become combative, but by telling them you love them and care for them you can usually defuse the situation. Focus mainly on solutions when dealing with them, and if they resist, remove yourself from the conversation.

For coworkers:

You must be careful not to offend coworkers as they do not have the close relationship family and friends do where blunt tactics can be appreciated. 

For these individuals, the key is to limit the conversation by not encouraging the topic at hand; tell them you hope things will turn around for them but you have to get back to work.

Victim mentality in yourself:

Perhaps the most difficult places to spot and handle victim mentality is within your own personality.

During those moments where you feel down and looking for a scape goat, Dr. Orloff recommends taking a second to remind yourself of all the positives you have in your life. Try to remind yourself that others are suffering horribly from hunger, disease, war, and other serious hardships. That is not to say that your problems are not real or serious to YOU, but in contrast to the millions of people around the world who suffer in extreme situations every day can usually put your problems in perspective. A reality check is the best way to snap yourself out of a victim mentality, especially if your problems are like those that we call ‘first world problems’.

Having a victim mentality is extremely maladaptive. Even though some passive manipulations may sometimes work for you, taking this position is never in one's best interests. In the long run, it will do more harm than good. 

Once someone is made aware that they have a victim mentality they can control their destructive behavior by acknowledging that their personal world and the external world contain many inequities and social injustices that are discriminatory and unfair to individuals or groups of people, yet they CAN take power over their lives. 

There are steps one can take to make a positive change if one wants to stop being the victim and start being more responsible and pro-active in their own lives.